Unexpected

There are times I expect his memory. I seem to psyche myself up for those dates. As they grow near, I cry, I take flowers to the marker with his name. His birthday, Christmas, the actual due date he was expected.

But there are days that I am not prepared for the overwhelming loss. It has been a little over 3 years and I still ache.

I went to counseling but there is only so much of that I could stand. They suggested group therapy, but the thought of listening to other women cry and grieve was not something I thought I could handle. I could barely handle my own emotions.

Yesterday was not a stand out date. But I was flooded with memories and sadness. I bought flowers and hubby took me to the cemetery. We haven't been there since February. Some people think (and have actually told us) that we should be over this by now. How on earth do you "get over" exactly. Maybe I should have stuck with the counseling long enough to find out.

Today I feel better. It seems to help, taking flowers. Talking to him, hubby clutching my hand tightly to let me know he still shares the same pain. It is no less gone from him than me. And knowing that helps too in a way.